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Dear Ed archive

November 2009

Dear Ed

What is it with Etihad Stadium? Why can't it have a name that tells you where and what it is?
Claude

Dear Claude

Etihad is Latin for naming rights. However, don't be too harsh on Etihad because it's an anagram of HA EDIT, which is what I should be doing right now instead of writing this column. (Ha edit almost sounds like Latin, doesn't it? Perhaps it should be enscribed on the IPEd coat of arms. Which neatly takes me back to my Latin rant at the beginning of the paragraph, so the rest of the column is basically an appendix. But read on anyway; you never know what might turn up.)

I was fond of the old name for Etihad Stadium: Telstra Dome. Telstra Dome won the 2005 Anagram Award for being the Melbourne building with the most anagrams in its name. There were so many anagrams that you could invent a new one every time you went past on the train, a bit like playing virtual Scrabble. Depending on the mood of the day and how the letters took you, TELSTRA DOME could become STARLET MODE or SORTA MELTED or STARTLE DEMO.

Sadly, that's behind us now and Etihad is all there is. But there's a little-known museum at TOAD SMELTER, sorry, Etihad Stadium, called the Museum of Sporting Anomalies. It's not in any Lonely Planet guidebook but you can get there by taking the footbridge from Southern Cross station, then opening the first door that says DO NOT ENTER. (Ignore the sign, it's just a test to see if you're up to the challenge: it's an anagram for ED NET NO ROT.) Walk this way. The first exhibit is coming up now. The lighting is poor so you'll have to imagine the displays. Please try for an M rating:

The abilities that skilled performers illicit are a type of intelligence
Well, that explains why footballers are always dropping their pants in public and having to fine themselves for their bad behaviour; they're trying to prove that they're Mensa candidates.

Exhausted athletes suffer sever fatigue
Everybody knows that marathon runners' toenails fall off, but did you know the real price for 42 kilometres of endorphin-assisted bliss is an arm and a leg?

He got borked on the run-in to the finish
I'm sure he did, but I'm not sure by what. An Icelandic singer, perhaps?

Could this be an oman for the horse races in Australia next year?
Hmm, so what are we talking here: Chippendales or Arab states? Or perhaps it's both at the same time, which throws up the image of male bodybuilders draped in Laurence of Arabia costumes racing around sand dunes on horseback. Let's hope no-one gets borked on the run-in to the finish.

I'm wrapped with the support I received from the team
But I wasn't so rapt that he was so wrapped up in himself that hadn't learnt to spell. It's probably half the reason there are so many anagrams in the signs at STARTLED EMO, sorry, Etihad Stadium. Obviously if you can't spell, you can't untangle the anagrams that tell you to go into rooms you're not meant to go into.

Oh, there's more but there's a sign saying UNDER CONSTRUCTION. That's an anagram for DISCONNECT TOUR RUN, so I think it's time to leave.

Until next month, Ha edit!

A snippet for the Newsletter

Methinks both 'Dear Ed' and the Age got it wrong with the cryptic crossword quoted by Dear Ed in the October newsletter.

His clue for 20 Down was:

Edit badly, with hesitation and ennui (6).

And the answer which he couldn't arrive at (and which made little sense) was, according to the Age:

Editor

No way.

Edit badly means rearranging the letters of edit to give us 'tedi'. To this we add 'um' – an expression of hesitation – and end up with tedium, another word for ennui. QED.

Tony Berry